The spring of 2020 was a time in my life I dreamed of since I can remember. It took a lot of preparing, a lot of time and money to make it happen. It was a time of my life I chose to experience a year before others do. I was eager to go abroad. I was looking forward to all of the places I was going to see, the people I was going to meet, and the experiences I was going to have. It is something that was taken away from me, and there is no one to blame.

Going abroad wasn’t as easy for me as I thought it would be. It was the first time in my life I was moving somewhere that far from home, and not having my close friends around me. It was the first time I would be away from my family for that long, and it was during one of the hardest times of our lives. I felt guilty for leaving my family, but I knew they wanted me to have this experience. I felt very anxious and hesitant when I was abroad at first, but I was just starting to open up when all of the craziness started to happen.

COVID-19 wasn’t something I knew much about before flying to London in the beginning of January. I was more worried about the possibility of terrorist attacks; a pandemic had never even crossed my mind. As I went through the first half of my program, I was able to travel a ton without any worry. I went on my first trip to Budapest and visited a good friend in Madrid. I made plans for the future months ahead and was excited because a lot of my dreams were finally coming true. It wasn’t until the beginning of February when I was in Paris that the coronavirus started to come on my radar. I still did not know much about it, but all students from the University of Wisconsin received an email about a case happening in Madison. I was shocked. But, just because one person had it doesn’t mean everyone will, right? I continued on with my trip and visited Amsterdam the following weekend. I made plans for spring break to travel around Italy and Malta. I booked my flights, Airbnbs, and looked into what to do in Milan, Florence, and Rome. I was excited to visit a country that had been on my bucket list for a long time.

Days before I was supposed to fly into Milan, news outlets and social media was filled with the scary situation happening in the North of Italy. The virus was spreading everywhere. Schools and restaurants were beginning to shut down. Within the next 24 hours, I had cancelled my plans to go to Italy and changed my spring break to go to Barcelona. I was sad and disappointed, but I was still very fortunate and blessed. Yes, I was no longer able to go to Italy, but I was able to visit another amazing city. Everything was fine. It wasn’t until we all heard that UW-Madison cancelled all of the study abroad programs in Italy that my fears and anxiety started again. My heart went out to all of the kids being sent home so soon. I think we all knew that this virus wasn’t going away. That it was just going to get worse and it was only a matter of time until we were all sent home. 

Spring break was amazing and was a good distraction. However, I think I went through more hand sanitizer and wipes on that trip than I have my entire life. But when we got back to London the fears started again. It seemed to be all anyone could talk about. What would happen if we were sent home? What did this mean for our classes? Would we still get credit? I checked the news daily for updates on the spread of the virus. How many positive cases? Has it spread to the US? It was becoming very consuming and draining. I knew if I got the virus, I would be fine. But if my dad in his 50s currently receiving treatment for lung cancer got the virus, he might not be fine. If my sister with an autoimmune disease and is immunocompromised gets it, she might not be fine. I missed my family and my friends back home. I wanted to be with them. I thought things were perfectly fine back on campus, and I wanted to be there having fun and not stressed abroad. In times like these, you really should be careful what you wish for.

The days after my spring break happened so fast, I can’t even really describe it. Monday and Tuesday everything was fine. I went to class and had my normal days in London. We were assured that our program wasn’t being cancelled and that it was “business as usual”. I found out Tuesday night that Universities on the east coast were being cancelled and were going to have online classes. One of my best friends at Purdue was going to have to do the same thing. Everyone was asking me if I was coming home early. I was confused, I was just told everything was fine. Wednesday, I went to my first day at my internship for the semester. I had a great day and enjoyed my internship, but I have to admit something felt off. The University of Wisconsin cancelled their classes and also moved to online. More than ever, I wanted to come home. I wanted to be with my family during this time. I did not want to get the virus or risk passing it on to someone else. I did not want to travel anymore, I really couldn’t anyways. I was being overwhelmed with concerned family members and friends asking when I was coming home. Finally, the email we once all dreaded came. All study abroad programs were suspended and we were to return home no later than March 22nd. We had just over a week. In the moment I was relieved. But I wasn’t as excited to go home as I thought I would be. I wanted more time in London. There was so much more I wanted to do. I planned to reschedule my flight home for later the following week and was excited for my last few days in London.

That same night Trump announced a travel ban as a precaution to prevent the spread. The UK was excluded from this, but I knew the sooner I got home the better. I got a flight for that Friday morning, less than 48 hours after finding out I was sent home. Those 48 hours were the craziest hours of my life. They almost seem surreal, I can’t really explain it. I was able to do a few things I wanted to do before I left (like visit Abbey Road of course) and then I packed and said my goodbyes. We all had so many questions about what this meant for classes, finances, and other details. It hadn’t really set in yet. All I was worried about was getting home. 

I luckily got home soon enough that the airport wasn’t too crazy. I didn’t have to wait in any long lines after customs or get checked for symptoms by the CDC. I got home and slept, something I wasn’t able to do much the past 48 hours. I am self quarantined as a caution to my family and others.

After all of this, I have had a lot of time to reflect. I have felt all of the emotions. I’m sad that my experience wasn’t what I expected and hoped it was. I’m mad that it was cut short. I’m mad that people aren’t taking this seriously. I’m mad that people aren’t adjusting their lives or changing their plans because I had to drastically change mine. The news made this experience much worse for me. I felt like I was constantly given false information. On social media some people were saying we were all over reacting, some people were urging others to take action, it was hard to know who to believe. It was hard to get the facts and all of the information.

More than that, I am grateful I had this opportunity regardless. I still got to see so many beautiful places and experience things at the age of 20 a lot of people don’t get to in their lifetimes. I feel selfish for being angry or disappointed. This situation was unexpected. It is impacting us all, but not as much as the people around the world who are losing loved ones because of it. If I have to come home, spend time and be safe with my family to do my part in limiting the impact and save some lives, so be it. 

From a student that was studying abroad the Spring of 2020, please do some research and think about others during a time like this. We are all sacrificing a lot in hopes to limit the impact. Be kind to others, you don’t know what they’re going through or how this is impacting them.